bloodthirstymasquerade

⠀12/02/2024: art n such

hello! i have a day off work tomorrow! i've been working on my megatron shrine! i've also been writing some lore for my transformers oc, morningstar! he's a decepticon (obviously, heh)! maybe i'll make a page somewhere for him. he's cool. :-) i fell asleep trying to update with this entry, lol! i got cozy under my heated blanket on the couch and it was all over. anyways, i'm feeling happy since my creativity is flowing so well. i've been a bit disheartened by drawing lately but the inspiration is there. i've been writing and working on different visual art, like collage. here's something i made a few days ago!

if i make i enough to warrant it, i might add a page for that type of art. we'll see :B

11/26/2024: hello, again

heh. long time no see.
long story short, work has been getting in the way of my updating here. i've mostly been focusing on a work/life balance and my website has fallen on the wayside of it all. i've been promoted to a sort of assistant manager position at the place i work. i'm happy about it but it's given me many more hours compared to when i started. this upcoming weekend will be particularly busy and tiring but i'll power through! the christmas music isn't helping much, though.
outside of work, i've been continuing into my transformers hyperfixation. i've been watching a lot of g1, it's so silly and comforting. i've really gotten attached to rumble and astrotrain this time around. of course, i love megatron... and galvatron too, heh. i've been making lots of art and really trying to hone in my mecha skills. easier said than done, i tell you.
i think i'd like to change up some visuals here soon. it'll make it easier for me to maintain if i can just simplify some things.
anyways, thanks for sticking around! i'm not planning on abandoning this wonderful place i've made for myself, so don't worry!

8/5/2024

hello all! just here for a quick update.
i've been writing again! i don't think i'll be posting any of it here since it's transformers fanfiction of all things but it's been super fun to be writing again. i've been dipping my toes into poetry as well; i've never really known how to write poetry so i've gone off vibes alone pretty much. i might post some of those here but maybe not. idk. i'd like to start writing around my ocs again but that will likely come a bit later. i also just acquired an old digital camera from my local buy nothing group, so i wanna shoot some with it soon. it's tough for me when i feel really connected to my creativity only because i have a hard time figuring out what to work on first! i guess it's better than being in an art block.
i'd really like to update my music page soon but with between working and other creative endeavors, i haven't had much time to properly sit down and listen intentionally to write about it. also troubling, i've been listening to music in a single track pattern rather than full albums.
anyways, i'll be doing some stuff around here soon!

7/24/2024

i've been away from my website for a few weeks — no reason really, just life in general. i've secured a job at a really cool place and i'm super excited to start! i'm not sure right now how many hours a week i'll be working but with any luck i'll have enough energy to continue updating here.
in other news, i'll be seeing buckethead again soon as well as seeing ween for the first time ever! when i see ween i'll be meeting an internet friend i've had for nearly 15 years! i have a lot to look forward to. i hope you do, too! if you don't right now, focus on the little things. this transition period i've been in has been difficult in a number of ways but it was the little things that kept me going: looking at worms in the rain, cooking breakfast, going to the library, quality time with loved ones... everything matters, big and small. try to enjoy every day, even the ones where you can't get out of bed, even the ones where you don't "get anything done". adapt to the waves of life and learn to ebb and flow with them.
in other other news, i've been re-reading transformers: more than meets the eye (i was obsessed in high school but never finished it) and i've been really enjoying it. it's well written, it's emotional, it's gay as fuck. i might make a shrine for the comic or my favorite characters or something. i also want to post some new photography and some new art pieces when they're finished. so stay tuned :}

7/3/2024: emotions in the mixing bowl

over the weekend my parents paid me a surprise visit for my birthday! i'd been missing them terribly, especially since moving. it was really nice to see them both... i hadn't seen my dad since the beginning of 2022 and my mom since the beginning of 2023. i always imagined a birthday like this past weekend, where my parents surprise me like that but i always chalked it up to them being too busy or not thinking of me in that way. things have been somewhat strained since my coming out but in recent years, very slowly, they've come around a bit. this was the first time my mom has made a conscious (though imperfect) effort to use the correct pronouns. i employed plenty of patience with it. i felt very thought of. since they left i've felt pretty melancholy. as a kid i'd always wanted to spread my wings and i never wanted to stay stagnant in my tiny hometown but the ultimate price for that is being away from my family 99% of the time. i haven't watched my cousins grow up, i don't get to stop by the house i grew up in to spend time... and that breaks my heart in a way. i spend a considerable amount of time pondering whether it's worth that pain, being on my own... then i remember the political climate of my home state and how unfeasible it is for me to be my true self there. there are many queer people who live there, though they are much braver than i, it seems. ah, i'm probably just writing all this since my therapist was out this week. all in all i had a great birthday and i couldn't have asked for anything better. shedding a few tears and baking some focaccia always helps.

6/26/2024: zzz...

i'm so sleepy... i woke up at 6:30 and made some breakfast... i went out later to run errands and there were too many people... i just want to curl up and go to sleep but it's not my bedtime yet :{ must keep eyes open...

6/25/2024

last night i got to see one of my favorite movies on the big screen! i got the chance to attend a screening of interview with the vampire (1994) at a local theater. as the first part of my birthday celebration, it was so exciting to see it in such a grand way, with popcorn and big sodiepop in hand — it was like i was seeing it for the first time.

6/9/2024

i would kill to go back in time to see buckethead perform colma live...

6/4/2024: dreams, worms, etc.

do you ever have dreams that you miss when you wake up? i had one like that last night. i won't be going into details but dreams like this are usually serene or maybe exciting, with someone i love in it. you wake up and feel like a piece of you was taken away... it's been raining a lot, which i'm very grateful for, but rain can sometimes fuel already existing down-ness. i've certainly been trying to stay hopeful lately. i know good things are coming but i must be patient. i've been playing through banjo-kazooie and looking at worms in the rain. moments like that are just as important as any other. go outside and look at worms if you can, okay?

4/25/2024: support your local library!

i went to TWO libraries today!! i rode my bike to my local branch to return some books but couldn't find a book i was interested in, so i decided to drive over to the second closest branch. there i was able to find THREE books i wanted to read! one is a steely dan companion (very fun so far!), another is an anthology about different impactful music recordings and the third is a book full of experiences of queer people in appalachia. i typically don't like to check out (or read) more than one book at a time but i got so excited! in other news, i finally got my car registered which is such a relief. i put it off for way too long but thankfully the person who helped me at the dmv didn't ask about it!

4/20/2024: happy 420!

for record store day my partner and i biked up to our local record shop and i found steely dan's the royal scam and he found a special version of two sisters of mercy eps on one record with a blue smoke vinyl! after that we biked around a nearby lake and saw some mallards and canadian geese! we biked a total of about 5 miles and it was a great workout. :}

4/19/2024

i just got myself a used bike, a nishiki a-line! i can't find much info about it online so i'm not sure what year it's from but i'm very happy with it so far! my partner got one too and he's been having a blast. i'm happy to have something that helps me get out of the house. :}
i just finished replaying hypnospace outlaw; i would absolutely reccommend this game to anyone that loves the old web or neocities. super excited for the sequel to come out, it seems like it's going to have some cool frutiger aero aesthetics and another great soundtrack.

4/7/2024: and new...!

congratulations to our new wwe champion, cody rhodes! furthermore, i'm happy with the direction that wwe is heading toward; this new style isn't so PG-rated and it seems to take what fans have wanted for years into consideration. wrestlemania 40 was such a step up from what i've seen in the past. excited to see what comes next...

4/6/2024: wm40

just finished watching wrestlemania night 1... all the matches were pretty good! i enjoyed seeing the usos match; i was excited to see damage ctrl vs bianca belair, jade cargill & naomi but i only caught the last few moments. i was also super happy to see sami zayn win the ic title against gunther: definitely glad to see that title finally move after a billion years. the main event went as expected but it was entertaining nonetheless! i think cody will win tomorrow. i'm not sure if seth rollins will, though. it would be interesting storytelling to see seth essentially sacrifice his title to help cody. wwe has definitely let me down in terms of storytelling before, so who knows!

4/6/2024: idea!

last night i had an idea of creating a fictional wrestling universe with my partner!! we were both pretty sleepy when i had the idea so there's much to be discussed but since we both are artists and love wrestling storytelling, i don't see why it wouldn't be a fun idea. i'm likely getting ahead of myself even writing this entry but i'm just so excited about the prospect of it!

4/4/2024: tried something new!

yesterday, my partner and i tried ethiopian food for the first time! i had a dish called dulet that's basically tripe, liver, peppers, onion all chopped finely and sauteed in butter with spices, served with injera. it was super savory with a pleasant level of spiciness! the portion was so huge that i had some for lunch today with some rice and i still have some left over. i'm happy i had the chance to try it; i love to try different cuisines.

3/31/2024: tdov

i can't believe i've been out for about a decade now. feels unreal. i'm lucky to still be here. hrt has made me feel more comfortable in my skin and i'm happy to be able to flourish as myself. the world seems a bit scary right now for trans people but i truly believe that love will conquer all in the end.

3/27/2024: getting back to it

i will spare you all the details – after a brief and inconvenient time away from my website, i return! i'm happy to be working at it once again. i will likely change my url soon but until i find something i'm happy with, i will be 444bloodthirsty444. i won't be returning to my old one, at least for a long while. in the meantime, i've been making some small cosmetic changes here and there. thanks for sticking around! ♥